Akatama
by Prosack Metheus
Summary: AU. Follow the shitty adventures and misadventures of Doromizu Togeshiro, Yamazaki Shinoyama and Akimoto Sonya as they become the new Yorozuya in the Edo of 21 years into the future. Monthly updates. Rated T for mosaics and occasional innuendos. Hiatus due to school, work and other projects.
1. Chapter 1

**It was a sunny day in the city of Edo. It's been 21 years since the Great War during which the legendary samurai, Sakata Gintoki and his comrades saved the earth from both the Liberation army and the Tendoshuu. Having now established peace with the rest of the universe, earth finally became recognized as an independent planet by the end of the colonization era and joined the Galactic Union as the representative and sole member of its solar system.**

 **Sakata Gintoki, Shimura Shinpachi and Kagura- Those three who used to work as an odd jobs group doing literally anything for money, later on became known across the universe as the legendary Yorozuya three. However, despite the struggles of this legendary trio to protect the world, many lives were lost that day. But as usual, society adapted and kept on living as if the loss was non-existent.**

 **And yet, the scars the war left on Planet Earth haven't completely healed...**

On the way to school, in a dark alley, a bunch of students were kicking another student with crimson hair while he was laying on the ground "That should teach you not to act all cocky in front me! You think that just because your dad is some big shot in space you can stand up to me!? You lowly piece of trash!" said a bald kid while he landed one strong kick in his guts. As the group left him, yet another student with black hair, green eyes and a diamond earring hopped from the emergency stairs and helped him up "You could've kicked their asses" he told him "Yeah right, don't you know their parents are Yakuza? I would become filled with holes if I did something to them"

"Your perm head is already filled with holes anyway, so what's the problem?"

"How about I fill your guts with holes, huh Shinoyama*?" said the pissed redhead to Shinoyama "That won't do, Togeshiro*-kun. After all, I've still got those pictures from the time you were forced to work as a tranny. You don't want me leaking them to the school paper now, do you?" he said with a smirk. Togeshiro sighed "You haven't changed at all, have you? You're still the same sly snake as always" he said while walking alongside him to school.

 **New starts aren't always accepted as that next generation stuff almost never works on the nostalgic fans.**

It was lunch break in the school they attended, called "Ginken Academy". Togeshiro and Shinoyama were eating their paid lunch and discussing about their work as they turned their heads towards a crowd of girls screeching and fawning over a guy with perfect light brown hair done in a low ponytail and crystal blue eyes. The lunch lady was waving her spoon towards him with a wink and Shinoyama was wondering whether he got free lunches "Ugh. How long do you think they're going to do that? We're already in the midst of our 11th grade and they're still going crazy over mister Uchiha there like he just arrived" said Togeshiro while smashing his glass with his right arm "Can you blame them? He's Okita Ryo. He's the son of both Okita Sougo, the greatest swordsman in the universe and the vice chief of the Shinsengumi, as well as THE Okita Kagura, one of the Yorozuya legendary trio, not to mention his good looks. I bet you that guy gets free lunches Every. Fucking. Day! You know, your father is also one of the legendary trio, why don't you tell anyone about it? I bet you could at least get us some within-expiration-date pudding with that reputation!" said Shinoyama with sparkling eyes and a drooling mouth.

"Don't bother" said Togeshiro with a waving of his hand while chugging down an entire bottle of Edo-Cola in seconds, ready to open another one "*burp* my dad is just a useless pair of glasses who barely comes to earth and when he does, he acts like a crazy fan who showers my idol sister with praise. Not to mention the fact that I prefer a low profile over _that_ " he said while pointing at the growing crowd of fans and some of the students who work for the school's newspaper surrounding Ryo. "So you don't wanna get flooded with girls? Don't tell me you're _that kind_ of guy!" he said while slowly sliding away from his place "Haha, very funny. The author isn't that desperate for views, you know?"

"Oi, you shouldn't say that, you will start a whole new war... Still, it's really hard to believe that a guy like that almost slaughtered someone like you back when you fought in 'The Lion Pit'" said Shinoyama while staring at Ryo with a face that was now suspicion. Togeshiro's expression turned into a serious and deadly stare as his dark purple eyes met with Ryo's stare, who in turn snuck him a psychotic smirk that sent shivers down both their spines "Yeah, the ugliest monsters wear the prettiest masks" he said while chugging down his second bottle of Edo-Cola.

"So what's the job this time?" asked Shinoyama "Well, apparently this old man wants to retrieve his family's secret treasure he buried somewhere and lost decades ago. His wife died a long time ago and he himself is on his deathbed, so he wants to witness the treasure he and his wife gathered during their whole lives before he passes away"

"So they were treasure hunters? Cool! And we get to seek for an ancient treasure, as well!" exclaimed an excited Shinoyama "You're thinking about this wrong, dear friend. You see, the old man doesn't remember what his treasure was anymore, but according to his son, he always bragged about it being the biggest treasure on this side of the planet. But you know, memories can be easily twisted, so what if his treasure didn't turn out to be as big? Or rather, what if some gold coins disappeared here and there, huh…?" he said while shouldering his friend and infecting him with a troll face "I see… It is true that some graves were robbed from their valuables across history, who's there to say it isn't the same with this one?"

They both laughed while shouldering each other like drunkards and blabbering at how crazy rich they're going to become, before hearing the scream of a girl down an alley "You know, with all respect to my father, he and the Shinsengumi really suck at keeping this city clean from criminals" said Shinoyama "It's the Kabuki-Cho, what would you expect?" said Togeshiro as they both ran in the direction of the scream.

There, a bunch of armored and armed thugs from earth and other planets were cornering a girl with short blue hair, yellow eyes, a pair of white cat ears and a white tail "Someone help me!" yelled the girl as she was pushed to the ground by one of them "No one's gonna help you, little girl, we've got you surrounded now. Now how about we have some fun with you, An?" said one big thug with a mallet and a Mohawk as he approached her. He was about to drop it down on her, but it stopped mid-way.

"Huh?" as the cat girl looked up, she saw the back of a man in a school uniform holding the mallet with his right arm. "Who the hell are you?" asked the man as the mallet lifted up a little bit and revealed a redheaded guy making a troll face and pissing him off "Why, you little..!" as he lifted the huge mallet and swung it on his direction, Togeshiro pulled out some sort of device from his belt and as he pressed a button, a large and transparent red blade emerged from it. In a quick couple of swings, he sliced his mallet into bits and cut his Mohawk short "He owns a plasma weapon..!" pointed one of the thugs. As a crazy looking thug with a katana attacked him from up top, Togeshiro blocked the attack with his right arm, which got scratched and revealed a bunch of cables and pistons "Cybernetics…?" Togeshiro smiled as he kicked the guy into a wall. The rest of the thugs were smacked down by Shinoyama.

"Die!" yelled the thug as he was about to strike him with a hidden blade, but Togeshiro avoided the attack and got the plasma blade close to his neck, close enough to burn the thin hairs on it "You know, the meals in my school aren't that filling, so I was thinking about eating Yakiniku. What do you think?" whispered Togeshiro in his ear. As he lowered his plasma weapon, the thug and his group who regained their consciousness ran out of the scene. "Are you okay?" asked Shinoyama as Togeshiro helped her up "Thankyouthankyouthankyou!" she said while hugging them both "Um, sure, no problem" said Shinoyama "Those guys were about to kill me and take my money, I'm so thankful to you for saving my life, how can I ever repay you?"

"Well, for starters, a couple thousand yen would-" began to say Togeshiro before getting smacked in the head by Shinoyama "You don't need to, really. We were happy to help, but it would do us nicely if you spread the word about our business, we're the New Yorozuya!"

"Woah… Like the famous Yorozuya Gin-san? So cool! Sure, I would love to help" she said as she reached and kissed Shinoyama in the cheek. "See ya!" she said as she ran away. Sinoyama was blushing like crazy and his eyes were bloodshot as he stood there in silence "Are you okay, man?" asked Togeshiro slapping him in the face so hard it got swollen "Tweah… I dot kissed swy a cuthe girl…" he said, touching his swollen red cheek "Hm, good for you. Well, I say we deserve a couple of Edo-colas for that heroic act" said Togeshiro as he reached into his pockets "didn't you just Chugged down two bottles of that stuff? Do you wanna get a heart attack?"

"… Huh?"

"What happened?" asked Shinoyama "My wallet! It's gone! I could've sworn it was in my-" Togeshiro's eyes blacked out as he remembered the girl hugging him and realized she took their wallets while doing so "That bitch! I bet you that's why the thugs attacked her- she was a freaking thief. Oh, I'm gonna…!" said Togeshiro while taking out his sword and going in her direction before being stopped by Shinoyama "No wait! It's true that she stole our wallets but we only had 300 yen in it anyway. You saw her appearance, she probably did this because she was poor. Let's just ignore her"

"Dude, she took your diamond earring"

Shinoyama's soft expression vanished as his eyes blackened out and a vein popped in his head in the realization of his missing earring.

The cat girl was running down the alley with a hand close to her mouth and laughing "Oh, those guys were so pathetic! I can only imagine the look on their faces when they realize they were scammed! Not only did I sucked those idiots dry, I also got those two righteous morons as well! But they looked familiar somehow…" her train of thought was interrupted as a loud sound was heard behind her. Turning her head back, she saw both Togeshiro and Shinoyama chasing her down the narrow alley and looking like No Face while mowing down anything that stood in their way

" _You bitch! I'm gonna rip your head off!_ "

" _I'll eat you alive!_ "

"Huh. They aren't as dumb as I thought. Took them way faster than I thought to realize their situation. Oh well, it's not like they can catch me!" she said while jumping up and using her extensive, razor sharp nails to slice some fans and poles while climbing on the wall and up onto the roof. Looking normal again, Togeshiro and Shinoyama began to slice and hit the falling metal aside. By the time they were done, the cat girl was already jumping from rooftop to rooftop. "She got away!" said Togeshiro "Not exactly" said Shinoyama while he spotted her lunch card and bent down to pick it "I had a feeling I knew her from somewhere" he said as Togeshiro looked into it. It said 'Akimoto Sonya, Class 3-E, Ginken Academy' Togeshiro and Shinoyama smiled with deviousness at each other.

Togeshiro went back to his house which was a huge temple house in the outskirts of Edo. It was a very late hour. Failing to sneak into the house, the lights went up, revealing a woman with long orange hair and dark purple eyes, wearing a flower-patterned kimono standing in front of him "Mom…! What are you doing at this late hour?" he asked with a pale face. Togeshiro's mom stared at the open wound in his cybernetic arm and smiled "Togeshiro, you weren't out doing dangerous odd jobs again, right?"

"O-Of course not! I promised you, didn't I? This is just from an alien dog!" he said while pointing at his wound and laughing nervously. Suddenly, shots were fired all around Togeshiro, making a perfect frame of him made out of bullet holes "I'm so glad~! I was worried you were out there doing stupid and risky stuff, but it is so good to hear you were taking care of yourself. Now, it's very late, so why don't you go to your room, do your homework and go to _sleep_?" she said with a creepy smile as she shoved her MPK5 SMG back into the sleeve of her flowery kimono. "Y-yes, Mom…" he slid past her and went into his room, slamming the door behind him.

The next day, on Ginken Academy:

"See ya, Sonya!"

"See ya next period!

A couple of girls waved goodbye to Sonya as they went downstairs "Bye~… Idiots" she said with a devious grin as she held their wallets in her hands. However, her joy was short lived as someone patted her shoulders "Sonya, huh…? What a nice name you have…" said Togeshiro, who was dressed as L "Those are some pretty cat ears and tail as well, half-Feliryan, I take it? I heard you guys were awful swimmers, want me to give you a _lesson or two_?" said a creepy Shinoyama dressed as Light as he tapped her other shoulder.

"…."

On the rooftop, Sonya was on her knees, apologizing "I'm sorry! I really am! It's just that… My mother is a very sickly person. I steal money because I need to pay for her medicine. You understand, right?" she said with tearful eyes before getting kicked on the head by Shinoyama, who was now wearing a long white wig with an eye-patch "Like hell we'll buy that, you bitch! Oi, Nicolas… What's the sentence for killing a high-school girl..?" he asked Togeshiro, who was wearing a black wig with a dog tag around his neck and speaking in sign language "'probably enough to cover it up with a couple of gold coins', you say? That's fine by me" he said while smirking at her "Wait, aren't you the good guys here? And weren't you a different pair of characters a second ago!?" she asked, panicking. Shinoyama then took off his costume and took on a serious look "Listen, you're going to return the stuff you stole and never do this again, you heard me?"

"What makes you think I will?" she asked with an eyebrow raised "Well, for starters, my friend here will slice and dice you like ham" he said, pointing towards the modern-Guts looking guy next to him "And also, I have recorded your latest 'achievements' on the security cameras I so kindly installed in this school, so unless you wanna get thrown into jail, you better obey. Also, those guys you scammed out of their money? They turned out to be pretty nice guys; we laughed and drank and spoke about the nice sum of money they're willing to pay for bringing you to them- dead or alive" Sonya growled, but calmed down

"…Fine"

"Good, now let's find that treasure and get rich!" said Shinoyama to Togeshiro, who smacked him in the head for saying that out loud "What treasure?" asked Sonya with a devious look on her face "Nothing you should know about" said Togeshiro "Oh, is this a secret between the two of you? No one else can know about this TREA-" Togeshiro shut her mouth, but she scratched his hand "Fine. What do you want?" asked Shinoyama "I want a part of the treasure"

"Like hell we'll give you the treasure!" said Togeshiro "If you don't, then for starters, I'll tell everyone about the secret treasure you're after. And of course there's the cameras surveying the students and teachers you 'kindly' and ilegally installed in our school"

"..."

"Ugh, fine. We'll let you in" said Togeshiro, giving up. "Yay! You won't regret this!" exclaimed Sonya "Somehow, I know we will".

 **For those who don't know:**

 **In Japan, people say the last name first and the first name second, for example; In Japan, you would refer to Sonya as Akimoto Sonya, but almost everywhere else it's Sonya Akimoto- Sonya being her private name and Akimoto being her family name.**

 ***Togeshiro (** **棘白** **)-** **Toge(thorn-** **棘** **) + Shiro(white-** **白** **): White thorn.**

 ***Shinoyama(** **死の山** **)- Shi(death-** **死** **) + No(of-** **の** **) + Yama(mountain-** **山** **): Mountain of death.**

 ***Ryo(燎)- To burn, to iluminate. May also mean Excellent, to excel, to exceed.**

 **So what did you think about it? I will upload episodes monthly or weekly, depending on my schedule, so there's that. If you have anything to ask that would lead to spoilers, you're free to PM me and ask.**

 **Also, if you have any questions to the characters, just comment them down below and we'll answer them in the upcoming segment of 'Teach us, M**ko-Sensei!"**


	2. Chapter 2

**Teach me~ M**ko Sensei!**

 ***scene shifts into Sonya dressed like Gintoki during the 'Ginpachi-sensei' segments with a cigarette in her mouth***

"Yo, everyone… Today we got a letter from someone called 'C.A.M.E.O.1 and Only' asking: _'...Their parentage has me most interested...We all know Ryo's mom and dad, and Togeshiro's dad...How about the others?'_ Hai… The Author claims it was hinted on the synopsis and first chapter, but here's your answer:

Togeshiro's parents are Doromizu Shinpachi, who changed his last name after being adopted into his wife's family and his wife, Doromizu Pirako.

Shinoyama's father is Yamazaki Sagaru, Chief Investigator of the Shinsengumi Special Police Task Force and his mother is a local Jeweler, Yamazaki Chiyo.

As for me, despite my striking resemblance to Eromes, we're not related at all (look, I even have a tail). My parents are OCs, just like me and will likely not appear in this fanfic depending on the Author's decision. My family name however, is a reference to Yousuke Akimoto, the voice actor of Houcihi, the Man-turned-Cat from the 'Kabuki Stray Cat' arc.

As for mr. Furuichi* from class 3-B, for peeking into the girls' dressing room, go and hang yourself from a tree"

 **Unlike what most people think, Marriage isn't the same as Death- It's not sweet and it's not a release**

 **The land of the Samurai… It's been a long time since*-**

"What the hell are you doing!" yelled Togeshiro and Sonya as they kicked Shinoyama through the screen on which the original introduction was being projected "Sorry, I just always wanted to do that. *Cough, cough* ok, let me try again"

 **On that day, Humanity remembered… The dread that was a life under their rule… The humiliation of being caged like birds…***

"You got a completely wrong introduction! You want me to beat you up? Is that what you want?" Threatened him Togeshiro as he grabbed Shinoyama by his uniform's collar "Ugh. Just let me do this…" said Sonya.

 **"** **Damn it! How could this have happened!? Al! Al****se! … Damn it! This… Shouldn't have happened…"**

 ** _A painless lesson is one without any meaning._**

 **"** **I've lost it…!"**

 ** _One who does not sacrifice anything cannot achieve anything.*_**

"Quit it already, you pair of idiots!" Yelled Togeshiro as he slammed Shinoyama and Sonya's heads into the ground. "Whatever. If I have to play the straight man here then I guess I have no choice"

 **It's been 21 years since the end of the war between Earth, the Tendoshuu and the Liberation Army. By the end of the universal colonization era and the beginning of a new era of peace in the universe, Earth was finally acknowledged as an independent planet and joined the Galactic Union as a representative and sole member of its solar system.**

 **The legendary trio which saved the world was known as the Yorozuya, led by the greatest Samurai in history, Sakata Gintoki.**

 **But the scars of the war haven't completely healed. There are still people out there who try to stir up war by means of terror all over the universe. The fragile peace established across our galaxy is being stretched to the limit by the paranoia of the other solar systems and galaxies and the deep wounds left on the planet have yet to heal…**

It was a calm Saturday morning in the park. Togeshiro, Shinoyama and Sonya were sitting on a bench in the center of the park, facing a statue made of silver and covered in graffiti of the legendary figure known as Sakata Gintoki. As Togeshiro took out a strange device from his pocket and pressed a button on it, it showed a hologram containing the picture of what seemed like a map with odd writing on it "This is the map the old man showed me. I tried looking all over the city and over the internet, but I couldn't find these charts anywhere"

"It certainly doesn't seem like any place I've been in before" said Shinoyama while focusing on trying to remember someplace like the one on the map, but failing to do so.

"That's because that is not a part of the city, or the Japanese nation, to begin with" said Sonya, all of a sudden "That is a chart of the Underground Nation known as Ryu no sōkutsu*"

"Ryu no sōkutsu? What is that?" Asked Shinoyama.

"During the great war, because of the terror spread by the Amanto military forces aiming to conquer Earth, paranoia and hatred drove Humanity into becoming hostile towards the Amanto who settled in by the end of The Great Joi Wars, even the ones who lived in co-operation with them and were like friends and family to them. The Amanto in turn feared and despised Humanity, but because the launching stations and many of the transportation ships were destroyed during the war, they had nowhere they could flee to, so despite Miss Kagura's best efforts, most of the Amanto living on Earth decided to seclude themselves from Humanity in a massive-scale cave system they dug underground and built cities in, known as Ryu no sōkutsu. To this day, those Amanto live in isolation from the outer world and live their lives in poverty under the eternal darkness of which is life under the caves" by the time she finished that sentence, Sonya looked like she was about to cry.

"That is a really sad story…" said Shinoyama "War takes its toll on both sides of the fight. The only ones benefiting from this are the greedy countries, planets and people making money from the suffering of those they defeat and/or conquer. I used to live in Ryu no sōkutsu myself"

"You did?" asked a surprised Togeshiro "Then why did you leave?"

"I might not look like it, but I was very adventurous when I was small. I wanted to see what the outer world looks like, so I ignored my Mom's orders and my father's warnings and went outside when mostly everyone was asleep, getting exiled from my city the moment I stepped out of its gates. After that, I lived by myself in Edo, in even greater poverty and… Well, you can probably guess how things turned out for me later on.." said Sonya with a sad smile "I'm sorry, I didn't know" said Shinoyama while patting on Sonya's shoulder. Togeshiro did the same "It's okay, you couldn't know. And besides, I kind of deserve to be punished…"

"Well, for now let's forget about the sad talk and focus on the treasure. After we become rich, we'll probably be able to bribe your way back into your city and back to your family" said Togeshiro with a smile and a wink. Sonya smiled back and jumped out of the bench "You're right! Let's go and get richer than we ever imagined!" said a pumped up Sonya. The three cheered and went towards a pizzeria to eat until they couldn't shove another olive into their mouths.

"So, do you know your way around here, then?" asked Shinoyama while licking his fingers and looking at the map with detail "Not really. Like I said, Ryu no sōkutsu was a massive cave system with whole cities located in its pocket areas. This is a different city, but looking at the entrance which is located inside Mount Hiei, if my memory about maps serves me right, this city should be right under the city of Kyoto"

"Let's head to Kyoto, then!" said Shinoyama.

"Hell yeah!" said Togeshiro.

Hell _no_!" said Togeshiro's mother as she spoke with him in their house at night. "Why not? I'm just going on a trip with my friends to Kyoto!" replied Togeshiro, trying to sound innocent "Oh, please! Don't give me that. You're clearly going to do some reckless and dangerous job with those friends of yours; you think I can't see right through you? I told you not to deal with this kind of stuff. Do you have any idea how many times your father and I nearly died when we were your age and fooling around? Why don't you get a regular part-time job like everyone else?"

"Mom, I'm a Samurai! I can handle myself in whatever situation I get thrown into! Stop looking down on me!"

"Don't yell at me! Don't you understand that there are people out there more dangerous than you can imagine? And how can you call yourself a Samurai when you can't even swing a sword properly with that mechanical right arm of yours!" Said Togeshiro's mom, getting slowly irritated "I have two arms, you know? I've practiced my swings with my left arm and I even have this plasma weapon I got from Dad! You don't believe I'm strong enough? I'll even take you on to prove you just how strong-" However, before he could reach for his weapon, Togeshiro was stopped by the sound of a sword being unsheathed and prepared for an Iaido* behind him. As he turned around, he saw his mom behind him with a Katana in her waist belt, ready to strike him the second he touched his weapon "Go ahead, try me. I'll chop your remaining left arm myself if that's what it takes for you to stop putting your life in danger" her expression was filled with a cold determination. Togeshiro slammed his fist against the ground in frustration. "Togeshiro, maybe you should listen to mom. She only wants you to be safe" said a young girl, around the same age as Togeshiro, as she opened the sliding door to the salon "Shut up, Kogame! This has nothing to do with you!"

"I'm just trying to help you. You're my brother, you know?"

"Is that so? Because from my point of view, up until now I was just the useless trash that came out after you were born. It's always all about you. All Dad and Mom ever do is shower you with praise while hitting me whenever I did something wrong, because you're an angel and I am a good-for-nothing"

"That's not true, Mom and Dad love you too" said Kogame as with a low voice. "Yeah, right. Maybe it'll be better for everyone if I just committed Seppuku! Oh wait, that's right… I'm not even a Samurai, right Mom?" said Togeshiro, not understanding why he got more and more pissed the more he talked. He then turned towards his sister Kogame "The only successful heir in this family is you, _dear sister_ " replied Togeshiro with a venomous tone "stop it…" said Kogame, looking like she was about to burst in tears "I wish you would just DIE ALREADY!" Kogame gasped and ran away "Togeshiro!" yelled Togeshiro's mother as she slapped him so hard he fell to the ground. "…You see? I was right. All you and Dad ever do is hit me" Togeshiro stood up and rejected his Mom's hand as he silently walked to his room and closed the door behind him. His mother clenched her fists in pain and sat next to the dining table.

"Father, am I a horrible mother?" she asked eventually. A very elderly man was there, sitting outside of the room, on the wooden floor leading to the garden. "You're not. The kid just felt like a shadow to his sister his entire life. Being pressured by her success, as well as trying to no avail to avert his father's gaze towards him, He couldn't take it anymore and just exploded unintentionally in front of his Mother and older sister, for whom's sake he would give his own life, even if he would never admit it. But this is no bad parenthood; No one knows better than you about the fragile spirit of your daughter and how hurt she's inside. And of course, you already know why your husband always focuses on Kogame more than he does on Togeshiro"

"So I should just do nothing about it? You're telling me it's fine to just leave things how they are?" asked the unbelieving woman "Yes. After all, despite being light years away, unlike me the kid's father hasn't abandoned his son for one second. He's testing him, like a bird pushing its scared fledgling from the nest and putting its life in danger in order for it to fly. You could learn from the birds, you know? Just take him to a cliff and-" before the old man could finish his sentence, the dining table went flying through the paper door and hit him towards the pool "How about I push _you_ from a cliff instead, you senile old man" said the pissed mother while cracking her fingers. The old man emerged from the pool, spitting and coughing "What I meant to say is that you should let your son experience danger firsthand and intervene only if he's in a serious life-or-death situation. Also, you should call your husband back. That bastard can't run away from his responsibilities forever, you know?"

The mother thought about it for a while before smiling and looking at the old man "Thanks, Father"

"It's not Father, it's Big Daddy Jirochou. Now get me out of the water, give me a massage and go buy me a porn magazine. Actually, just bring me the new volume of Turaburu-" and with that, a cup of tea crashed on his forehead and sent him sinking into the pool.

The next morning:

Looking into Togeshiro's empty room the morning after the fight, Kogame covered her mouth with her hands while Togeshiro's mother shook her head "He's as stubborn as his father and grandfather…" On the train to Kyoto, Togeshiro sat on a seat next to the window and next to an obese man who was sleeping with a newspaper covering his face while Sonya and Shinoyama were sitting in front of him. " _Sigh_ … My mom is going to kill me when I get back home…" Said Togeshiro while looking out of the window "Don't worry, she'll forget about it later on" said Shinoyama with a calm voice "You don't know my Mom. She'll cut my manhood and sell it online to buy me Latex and joke about it for the rest of my life…"

"Yeah, right. In what currency? Dongs*?" joked Sonya while looking at the serious and disappointed expressions Togeshiro and Shinoyama were making "…Too soon?"

"Too soon."

"Too soon."

The train stopped at the station and the trio stepped out of it "Let's do this" said Togeshiro.

Meanwhile, on the Andromeda galaxy:

A war was happening in space "Mayday, Mayday! The Terrorists have taken over our mothership and destroyed most of our fleet! We need backup NOW!" yelled a soldier into a speaker as the lower part of his ship was being blasted by the space Terrorists. The soldier came towards the deck to witness it being jetpack-assaulted by a group of terrorists "It's over…" he whispered, kneeling down as he witnessed his brave comrades charging forwards, only to get slaughtered by the terrorists. The man took out a pendant and opened it, revealing the picture of a little child "I'm sorry, sports. Dad won't be coming home like he promised" the terrorists noticed the soldier which remained kneeling on the ground and charged towards him, but getting blown to smithereens by cannon fire "Huh…?" as the soldier looked up, he saw a fleet of space battleships with the symbol of a Komainu head on each of them "That's…!"

On the deck of the leading ship, a man was giving orders while passing through his soldiers:

"Unit 1, Unit 2, Unit 3, surround the main battleship and neutralize its weapons"

"Yes, sir!" said a group of people to his left.

"Unit 4, rescue: Find and retrieve the injured ones, don't bother with retrieving the corpses- I don't need lives risked for lives lost, you got me?"

"Yes, sir!" responded a group of people behind him.

"Units 5, 6 and 7 provide support to the other ships. Seiheitai, move out"

"YES, SIR!" responded the entirety of the people on the deck.

An anchor was shot at the deck where the soldier was kneeling. The man leading the Seiheitai slid across the metal wire which connected his ship to the other, the iron soles of his boots leaving a trail of sparks in the artificial atmospheres of the ships, which were now merged like bubbles on contact. 'The space navy fleet feared and revered across the universe- The Seiheitai!' the soldier thought to himself as the man jumped and landed next to him. He was wearing what looked like a winter greatcoat with a waist belt that had a wooden sword and a Katana strapped to it, as well as black military boots. He wore glasses on which the right lens was darkened like in sunglasses while the other one was transparent. Looking at his face with detail, the soldier noticed a bunch of scars going through and around his right eye, not to mention that his right pupil was glowing red 'A cybernetic right eye… A wooden sword and a 'Katana', there's no mistaking it… he's the man known as one of the ten strongest men in the universe- Admiral of the Seiheitai and Yorozuya legendary three, Shimura Shinpachi!'

"You. You're part of the intel unit, am I right?" Shinpachi turned to him "Huh...? Oh, yeah.."

"I need you to tell me in detail about everything that happened in here. Can you do it?"

"Uh…" paused the soldier, shaking his head and pulling himself back together before recalling the events that took place. He stood up and saluted as he spoke "Sir! We were leading a fleet of ships which contained highly valuable cargo under an order from the Union with outmost-priority, when we were attacked by the group of terrorist leading the current assault!"

"… What's this 'highly valuable' cargo you're talking about?" asked Shinpachi "400,000 pounds of crystalized Altana, sir!"

"Crystalized Altana!? And this much? Why did the Union… No, the better question right now would be what the Terrorists are planning to do with it…" he then looked at the Intelligence Soldier's pendant "That's your son?" he asked him "Yeah, my pride. He's gonna be 12 this year… I wanted to be there for him, but I also wanted to fight for the peace of the universe. It's always like that on the battlefield isn't it? Us faceless soldiers die while all but none ever remembers us or appreciates our efforts… I shouldn't have left him. I'm scum, aren't I?" he asked Shinpachi "Yeah, you're scum. Everyone who's willing to leave their family behind for half-assed motives like that is scum and deserves to get kicked by a horse and die. And who would know better than I do? I'm of those scums, after all"

"Sir?"

"What's your name, soldier?" Shinpachi suddenly asked "Um, it's Terakado Akira… Sir" Shinpachi held his hand forward and Akira hesitantly grabbed it, shaking hands with him "Hold on to that name, because if you don't, no one else will. We're not faceless soldiers, remember that. By the way, my name is Doromizu Shinpachi"

"I know sir… Wait, Doromizu-" their conversation was interrupted by a ring coming from one of the pockets in Shinpachi's outfit. He took out his cellphone and answered the call "What's going on!?" asked Shinpachi.

 ***Takayuki Furuichi is one of the main characters in the series 'Beelzebub'. He's the local 'straight man'.**

 ***Part of the original introduction of 'Gintama'.**

 ***Introduction of the series 'Attack on Titan'.**

 ***Introduction of the series 'Fullmetal Alchemist'.**

 ***Ryu no sōkutsu- "Dragon's Den".**

 ***Iaido- A modern Japanese martial art and sport that emphasizes being aware and capable of quickly drawing the sword and responding to a sudden attack.**

 ***The Dong is one of the currencies with the lowest value in the world. One Dong is worth approximately 0.000045 USD. This is actually a joke with a double meaning to it, as Sonya is implying that Togeshiro's d**k is microscopic and Dong can serve as slang for d**k.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey guys! I'm back with another chapter of Akatama! Enjoy!**

 **A lot of messed up shit can happen on the other side of the line**

Explosions were happening all over the Mothership as Shinpachi's cellphone rang "What's the matter? What happened?" The connection was constantly cut as the person on the other side of the line spoke "Sir… We're under-… They're destroying-… We're being overwhelmed!"

"How many attackers?" asked Shinpachi "One, sir! They're-….!" The connection died at the same time as the big explosion on the Mothership "Damn it!" cursed Shinpachi as he switched into a different channel "This is the Admiral. I'm on the contact ship with an Intelligence Soldier. Bring me a Stallion7-GTX and a unit to pick this man up"

"What are you gonna do?" asked Akira.

"Isn't it obvious? I'm going to take this guys down" Suddenly, a miniature bike/ship resembling a black horse descended and Shinpachi mounted it as he soared into the battlefield. Entering the damaged artificial atmosphere of the Mothership, a swarm of rockets flew in Shinpachi's direction. Dodging the rockets skillfully and getting them to hit each other, a single rocket emerged from the explosion made by the rockets' collision and went straight in Shinpachi's direction. Shinpachi jumped from the stallion before the rocket hit it and blew up. Thanks to the leaking artificial atmosphere, Shinpachi landed on the deck as if he weighted like a feather. The deck was flooded with space terrorists "Get him!" yelled one of them as they all either charged at him or were prepared to shoot him. "Hmph" Shinpachi unsheathed his wooden sword and charged forward with an unimpressed expression as he took down his enemies one by one. He decapitated one of the terrorists and used his headless corpse to shield himself from the bullets shot in his direction by some gunners positioned inside of the bridge before taking a plasma grenade from his own pocket and throwing it at the gunners, killing them all in one big explosion.

"Now, where is-" Shinpachi moved at insane speed as he dodged a large Plasma Halberd ".. Nice dodge there, pal. You're way better than those pathetic Goodie-two-shoes space sailors" said a large, purple humanoid with scars all over his body and face, wearing some sort of advanced military pants and a weird device attached to his chest. On the device was a tank containing a glowing, blue substance of some sort. Shinpachi turned to look at him furiously "Wah, scary~" said the man in a mocking tone "… Kirishima Takechi, Captain of the twelfth Unit of the Harusame. What are you, Pirate Scum, doing in a place like this? Did you and the Terrorists finally realize that by uniting forces, you'll actually have enough grey matter to make a brain?"

"You guys are seriously rude for a fleet of space sailors. It's none of your business with whom we cooperate, but since it doesn't matter either way, I'll tell you: The great Union of the Space Pirates, Harusame, has split in half. My loyalties no longer belong to the leader of the old Harusame, but to the future ruler of the entire universe"

"… And who the hell would that be?"

"Unfortunately, I don't feel like talking anymore" said Takechi as he charged in and kicked Shinpachi through multiple walls on the space ship. Shinpachi jolted back through the hole in the wall and stroke Takechi with his wooden sword. Takechi, however, didn't even flinch "You really underestimate me, don't you? Do you really think you can hurt me with that toothpick?" said Takechi as veins popped in his forehead from his obvious rage. He grabbed Shinpachi's wooden sword and slammed him against a titanium shaft door.

Looking at Shinpachi's getup, Takechi noticed a sword sheathed in Shinpachi's waist belt "Is that the fabled sword, 'Ujishige ***** '? I've heard some insane rumors about that weapon. How about you unsheathe that blade so I can test it myself? Maybe then you'll have a decent chance of figh-" stabbing Takechi right in the chest, Shinpachi pushed forward as he bulldozed through the walls of the ship before evading Takechi's Plasma Halberd. Takechi swung his Halberd furiously at Shinpachi, who avoided it, exposing a main powerline. Shinpachi grabbed the powerlina and attached it into Takechi's stomach. The potent electric shock sent Takechi flying into the space port of the Mothership and nearly falling off the edge, hanging from it and swing-jumping back in.

"Kirishima Takechi, you're hereby arrested under multiple crimes against the Galactic Union. Surrender peacefully, or I'll resort to lethal means.." declared Shinpachi as he entered the hangar himself. This enraged Takechi even further "You arrogant piece of trash! You think you can take me just because you're one of the Yorozuya three!? Let me show you what I'm truly capable of…" He said as he pressed a button on the device on his chest. The glowing blue liquid began to flow across his entire body as it filled his veins to the point of nearly ripping them apart. Takechi's muscles inflated and he grew to enormous sizes. The blue liquid got all the way to the veins in his eyes, which now looked like a pair of blue flashlights. Shinpachi took a step back in surprise.

" _Scared? You should be. The liquid filling me right now is purified, liquid Altana_ " said Takechi with a voice fitting his monstrous form "What!?" said a shocked Shinpachi, whose surprised voice turned serious "Injecting foreign Altana into your body should be **lethal** … How is this even possible?"

" _Because, like I mentioned before, this is_ _ **purified**_ _Altana. While it's still lethal, it'll take a little longer for it to kill me, but at the very least it'll give me enough power to take YOU out first!_ "

Shinpachi took a step back, analyzing his surroundings " _Trying to find an escape route? I guess that the stories about the 'Konjihoshi Massacre' were right; you're just a pathetic coward who can only save himself!_ " Shinpachi's cybernetic right eye twitched and began to glow red "…. I was planning on arresting you… But then again, why should I put so much effort with trash like you. I'd rather get rid of you" said Shinpachi with a cold tone as he sheathed his wooden sword and reached for his Katana. He grabbed the scabbard and unsheathed his sword, Ujishige. At this point, blood mixed with liquid Altana began to spray from Takechi's arms as he furiously tightened the grip around his Plasma Halberd "… _I'LL KILL YOU!_ " he yelled as both he and Shinpachi prepared to attack each other. Shinpachi's sword began to glow red as electronic lines appeared all over the blade. The ground sunk under Shinpachi and Takechi's feet as they both charged in with lightning speed at each other, appearing in opposite sides of the hangar in flash speed, facing away each other.

"… So the rumors were true… Hehe… Just how much is left of you, I wonder" said Takechi "You can probably see for yourself- I'm only half the pair of glasses I used to be" said Shinpachi as he sheathed his sword. Almost instantly, a large, blood-spewing cut appeared across Takechi's chest. Takechi's upper half fell to the floor and his lower half kneeled before falling as well. At the same time, a huge, X-shaped cut appeared across the Mothership. Akira, who was being escorted by members of the Seiheitai**, watched in shock with them as the huge Mothership was split in four ways. Explosions were all over the place and Shinpachi got into a ship inside the hangar, looking back at Takechi's split corpse in thought before he was shaken by the falling debris and started the ship's engines, getting away from the exploding Mothership.

After heading back to the Headquarters of the Galactic Union, Shinpachi was speaking to a soldier in a hallway "... Okay, thanks. Dismissed" said Shinpachi to the soldier as he finished informing him and dismissed him. Suddenly, he ran into an elderly man wearing an outfit similar to his, but with more detail and a lot of medals on his chest "Grand Admiral, sir!" saluted Shinpachi "At ease, Admiral. What's the situation with the delivery convoy and the attack on it?"

"Yes, sir! I managed to take down most of the Terrorists in the group attacking the convoy, including their leader, which turned out to be a former Unit Captain in the Harusame"

"-Not to mention that you also destroyed the main ship in the convoy" the Grand Admiral raised an eyebrow in slight disappointment "I'm sorry sir, that was a decision made in the spit of outrage, I take full responsibility about it" apologized Shinpachi as he bowed down to him "raise your head, Admiral. What about the 'precious cargo'?"

"Unfortunately, the scans of the ruined ship revealed that a large portion of the crates carrying the crystalized Altana went missing. From what we could gather from the Intelligence soldier rescued during the attack, their estimated numbers seemed to be significantly bigger than the estimated amount of bodies counted back at the field, suggesting that some of them managed to escape the scene with the Altana"

"… I see"

"That is all we could gather, sir. The injured soldiers that we could save are now being treated in our medical stations in planet Mars. Perhaps they could share some additional info regarding the attack. Now, if you may excuse me sir…" said Shinpachi, quickly bowing down and then proceeding to walk past the Grand Admiral, only to be gently pushed back by his hand "Where are you hurrying up to, Admiral Shinpachi? Your wife called me earlier, she requested from me that I bring you back, even if for a short while" Shinpachi frowned "You know, being a family man myself, I know very well how important it is that you spend time with your family. Even if it is for brief moments. You can't cast away the ones you care about the most just for the sake of protecting them; they need you just as much as you need them. Besides, you've been accumulating way too many vacation days, I'd rather kick you off instead of getting kicked off by the universal administration of Employees" said the Grand Admiral with a warm laugh, however Shinpachi found no humor in his joke.

"My family isn't as weak as you portrait them to be, even my useless son can fend for himself. I'd rather protect them and never see them again than staying with them and endangering them as well as the entire universe. They don't need me around. Now if you excuse me, I must speak with a certain 'Pirate King'…" said Shinpachi as he moved past the Grand Admiral and they both went in opposite directions "They _do_ need you, Shinpachi…" said the Grand Admiral with a sigh before moving on.

* * *

Back on Earth, Togeshiro and the gang entered the mountain as they traveled through a cave and reached the gates of a huge metallic wall blocking the path. "So Sonya, if you got exiled the second you went out, doesn't that mean they won't allow outsiders in?" asked Shinoyama. "Every underground city has its own rules; some are more conservative while others are more lenient. I learned that while going from city to city in Ryu no Sōkutsu. Though you might want to change your appearance- Despite some of the cities being more lenient towards migrating Amanto, all of them hold their grudges against humans" explained Sonya. "Okay, so let's head to the city and buy some costumes" suggested Shinoyama.

"Alright. This should do" said Togeshiro when he finished putting on his disguise; He painted his skin orange and put two fake horns in his head and wore a cloak on top of his school uniform. "Yup, we're all ready to go" said the voice of Shinoyama behind him. "Good. Then let's- WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU WEARING!?" yelled Togeshiro as he pointed at Shinoyama, who was wearing an E.T. costume "It's an alien costume. Did I put it backwards?" asked Shinoyama as he checked his back for the zipper "There's no way they won't catch you with that costume! In fact, you're being incredibly offensive with that, take it off!"

"It's okay, the Ryu no Sōkutsu people aren't familiar with human culture after the Edo period; those who were perished a long time ago from shortened lifespans and sicknesses in the underground" said Sonya coming out from behind a rock wearing a cell costume "You're pushing it too far, you know? And why did you even disguise yourself in the first place!? Weren't you an Amanto to begin with?" asked an extremely pissed off Togeshiro.

After some more complaining and blabbering from Togeshiro and Togeshiro getting beaten by Sonya and Shinoyama, they eventually headed into the gate and Sonya spotted an intercom. Sonya pressed the intercom and after a while, a voice responded from the other side " ** _Yes, what can I help you with_**?"

"Umm, we wish to enter Ryu no Sōkutsu, sir" answered Sonya politely " ** _Are you human_**?" asked the voice from the other side "No we're Amanto. We're from the Andromeda Galaxy"

" ** _The Andromeda Galaxy, huh? From which planet_**?" insisted the voice with clear disbelief.

"Uh… We are from planet.. WhydoyouevencareyoustupidalienpieceoftrashIhopeyouandyourdescendantsallburninhell! In the southern part of the Galaxy" Togeshiro facepalmed with his now exposed cybernetic right arm " ** _Hmm… Planet WhydoyouevencareyoustupidalienpieceoftrashIhopeyouandyourdescendantsallburninhell doesn't appear on my list… I'm sorry, but I'm gonna have to check you up and-_** "

" ** _Yo, Cedric! How's work day?_** " asked another voice in the intercom " _ **Uh, we have a bunch of kids claiming to be Amanto and wanting to get in. So how was vacation for you, Lars?**_ " replied the first voice, which seemed to be Cedric " _ **I've been hanging up in the northern district. That place sure is for the rich, I tell ya. Here, let me show you some pictures**_ "

" _ **… Wow, the 'Love District'! You sure had some fun, didn't you? Wait… That person looks like Lyra in the background. And why do you have my wife's scent all over you!?**_ " yelled Cedric. From the sound of it, he slammed Lars into a shelf and they both began to argue and fight out loud "Whoa! Is everything okay there? Maybe you should chill out, guys!" said a worried Togeshiro into the intercom.

" ** _I'm sorry.. Cedric… Please… Forgive me!_** " said Lars while he sounded like he was being choked " _ **Aghhh!**_ " yelled Cedric. Something heavy was tossed, sounds of glass breaking echoed and eventually multiple sounds of stabbing, followed by heavy breathing "Umm… What Happened? Why did it sound like someone was murdered? Why did it sound like some awful crime was taking place in the other side of the line? Is everything okay over there!?" asked a pale Togeshiro. Low swears could be heard from Cedric as he most likely just realized the intercom was still on. Sounds of throat clearing could be heard and eventually Cedric's voice resumed on speaking from the other side of the line " ** _I'm sorry, but you guys are clearly humans trying to sneak in as Amanto. Faking your own race in addition to trespassing is a serious crime, you know?_** "

"There was clearly a bigger crime occurring with you and that Lars guy!" yelled Togeshiro.

" _ **What are you t-t-talking about? Everything is fine over here, am I right Lars? 'Yeah, everything is cool, we just had a little argument ha-ha-ha', you see?**_ " answered Cedric while obviously trying to mimic Lars' voice "Don't bother, we already know what happened: That guy Lars was sleeping with your wife, so you murdered him in cold blood" said Sonya, who sounded like she couldn't care less about the situation going on the side of the line.

" ** _Listen kids, I'm telling you that nothing happened, so let's just leave it at that, okay?_** " said Cedric, losing his patience "But we have you recorded-"

" _ **NOTHING HAPPENED, OKAY? DO YOU WANT TO GET INSIDE OR NOT!?**_ " yelled a desperate Cedric from the other side of the line "Yes, yes we want to!" said Shinoyama.

And with that, the gates to the city opened and the trio stepped in.

 ***Tegarayama Ujishige- The sword owned by Nagakura Shipachi (the character on which Shimura Shinpachi was based).**

 ****Nagakura Shinpachi used to be the captain of the 2nd squad of the 'Shinsengumi' a military police force. After many quarrels and clashes with Kondo Isami, the Chief of the Shinsengumi, Shinpachi left the Shinsengumi and went on with other former members under the direction of Harada Sanosuke and they created the 'Seiheitai', a rogue military force in which Shinpachi worked as a Deputy.**

 **And that was it for chapter 3. Expect chapter 4 to come around the same time this chapter was updated. Thanks for reading and don't forget to review and ask questions if you have some. Bye!**


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